Everyday, every minute I miss Richnightder and Jerome. Today is one of those down days when I just really feel that a part of our family is missing. I am missing out on so much of their childhood and each day that they are not home with us, makes me realize how quickly time is moving and that they are experiencing things that i will never be a part of.
I know Richnightder has a birthfamily that undoubtedly felt pride with each milestone he reached in his 3 years of life with them. They got to hold his hand as he took those first shaky steps, watched his first tooth pop up, and reveled hearing him say mama and papa for the first time. Jerome, as a true orphan at this first O, probably had no one to take notice of his milestones, and it breaks my heart that I was not a part of his life then. Each day that passes by that my boys are not here at home, reminds me of all the "firsts" that I have missed out on and will never get back.
Last months report stated that Richnightder is reading sentences and continues to write very well. How I wish I could be there to hear him read outloud for the first time. Jerome, they noted, loves to dance. I wish I could have been there to see him make that discovery. I know I will have plenty of "firsts" discoveries when they are home, but there are somethings that can never be duplicated again.
I just want to hold their hands and walk with them as they discover life here with us. It will all be so new and probably scary. I continue to wait for them and every moment of everyday, they are in my thoughts. It is indescribable how much I love them and how our family is not whole, with two members still not here.
I have so much to share with them in life. Little tidbits of wisdom to pass on that my Irish Mother passed on to me. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that I want to impose on them, and I am somewhat hopeful that Richnightder has a smidgen of my sense of humor. I want to kiss the boo-boo on Jerome's ankle and tell him that never again will he have to soothe himself when he is hurt; he has a mom and dad to do that. I could ramble on, but the boys are on my mind today and I just miss them so much.
The picture I posted today, shows the boys sleeping together. It makes me feel good to know that they are behaving like brothers and I hope it is a bond that they never forget.