So am I a perv or what?

So now that everyone has seen my naughty little French tutor, doesn't he look like he could use a good spankin'? Yeah, yeah, I am completely aware that I am ALMOST old enough to be his mother, but he still is a naughty grad student who looks like he needs a mama to keep him in line.

Speaking of naughty young college men, my friend Shawna and her family are moving to Gillette, Wyoming this week and a group of us gals went out to dinner to say goodbye to her. So there we sit at the local Mexican restaurant having a really good time and enjoying our drinks when a young guy walks by our table and asks us if he could ask all of us a question. A deafning silence fell over the 8 us and we just stared at this guy. Then the idiot went on to say "Don't you ladies think it is getting kind of late for you to all be out. Don't you have husbands to go home to?" What a freaking twerp!! As we sat there with our mouths hanging open, one of us, I don't remember who, told him to bug off and he needs to get a better line. As he walked away we burst out laughing at him and when he walked by us again, he looked like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Jan suggested I should have told him that he had mighty big nuts to fit into those little boy britches he was wearing. I wish she had been there to give me that line at the time. So enough about hot young college guys and the dumb-ass things they say.

My sisters wedding was lots of fun. I think the best thing about it was seeing old friends that I had not seen in almost a year. My sister has a really eclectic group of friends and some are just downright weird. I love Kathy to death, but I am still laughing that at least half the people at the reception in downtown Portland were old boyfriends that she had dated in the last several years. I am suprised that she didn't have to have a stud pen brought in to hold back the hordes of old boyfriends. They were all there; those with demented personalities, physical differences and those who I just don't understand. My personal favorite of her exes was the parapalegic psychologist who dumped my sister because she was not a good dancer!! It is public knowledge that Kathy dances like Elaine on Seinfeld, but to be dumped because of your dancing skills by a man who was unfortunatly constrained to a wheelchair is just harsh. This same shrink also told all of us at a family gathering just how dysfunctional our family is. Now he was in dangerous waters then as my dad and Marc had to carry him in his wheelchair down the flight of stairs and out into the backyard. He is just lucky we didn't leave him there overnight.

The reception was a nice event. None of the old boyfriends broke through the bars of the stud pen containing them and everyone had a really nice time. Good food, good drinks and good friends completed the night. My sister looked gorgeous and her new husband, Art is a really nice guy. Now I am not just saying that, he is a nice guy. He actually gave Thomas the box with my sister's wedding ring in it and let him carry it around for about 45 minutes before the wedding started. Thomas wanted to show it to me and when he opened the box, the ring shot out and fell into the gravel of the parking lot. OOPS. I dove to the ground to find it, blew on it super hard to get the dust out and shoved it back into the box with strong words to stick it in his pants and not to take it out until the Pastor tells him to. The only truly horrible part of the day was whent he pastor himself was singing the wedding song and it was MY wedding song, Unchained Melodies. That WITCH! She stole my song.

I also got to see my neices and my brand new, well 6 month old great nephew. Oh how I love that little fella. Conor stole our hearts. Erin and Morgan have the most handsome and charming little guy. My neice Krissy is as beautiful as ever and I love her sarcastic humor. She can make me laugh by just saying "corn." Marc has a new love interest and it is Krissy's friend/boyfriend, Keenan. Long story short, Marc and Keenan were carrying Conor and pushing the stroller down the streets of Northwest Portland and I was following behind like the nanny carrying the diaper bag and I told them how much they looked like a couple with their sweet baby boy. Marc grabbed Keenan's hand and shouted loudly, "I love this man!" and they kept on walking hand in hand down the street. The best thing about Portland and it's liberal lifestyle is that absolutley no one looked akwardly at Marc and Keenan. I do miss that aspect of acceptance because living in the conservative Midwest, that stuff just isn't funny. As Lawrence Welk would say, "We don't do that #!#* here in Starsburg." I am a liberal loving girl and both Marc and I totally dig alternative lifestyles.

My nephews are all grown up and are funnier that crap. My oldest nephew, Michael went swimming with the kids at the hotel and was taking pointers on dating from Thomas. Seems Thomas met some 13 and 14 year old girls in the pool and made a date to meet them at breakfast the next morning. Seems turing 10 really works for THomas. He also spent a lot of time in the deeper end of the pool. Couldn't figure out why until Michael noticed that the girls he was talking to were standing in the 5 foot deep part and that their boobies were floating at about water level. Thomas got a hell of a workout treading water, but I guess the view was worth it.

Enough for now. I sound like a freak with a freakish family. Oh wait, that is me, with the dysfunctional family. Thank God I fit in.