Very infrequently do I dream of my boys in Haiti. I can't imagine why this is, since I think of them every moment of every day. Anyhow, last nights dream was very, very vivid and I woke with a warm, almost eerie sense of happy premonition.
I dreampt that we were in PaP at the transition house getting ready to head to the airport. We had Madison and Thomas with us and of course, Richnightder and Jerome. In walked a couple with a frightened, sad look about them and I knew immediately that they were Richnightder's birth parents. I walked slowly towards them with tears in my eyes and held out my arms in a questioning way to show them I wanted to hug her. She teared up and we embraced in a long, warm hug, both of us sobbing quietly. She was much taller than I am, at least in my dream and she had her hair braided and pulled back. She was lovely looking, but I could sense her heart was full of sorrow, saddness, and yet also hope and relief. I told her that we have loved Richnightder sense the moment we saw his picture and would love him forever and always. I told her that we would give him all the the best in life and he would go to college and hopefully on to grad school. She bit her lip as it quivered and she nodded to me that she understood and then told me in English (hey its a dream) that she too loves him. I reassured her that I would always make sure that Richnightder knew how much he was loved and it was my hope that someday in the future he would journey back to Haiti to reconnect with her and his birth siblings.
My dream ended with Richnigtder walking out of the door holding my hand, but looking back over his shoulder to his birth mom and waving goodbye to her with a smile on his face. I honestly hope that should we be fortunate enough to meet his birth parents, that the meeting goes like my dream. I want his birth mom to know I love this child with every fiber of my body and know he was as meant for me by God as Madison, Thomas, and Jerome are. With the help of God, this meeting will happen in a few short months and my boys will be home with us soaking in our craziness and chaos and enjoying the wide open spaces and freedom to be a carefree child.
There are scars, still. Even within the miracles.
4 months ago