I am not a nice person today

I have nothing good to say today about anything. I am angry, depressed, morose, lethargic, melancholy, blue, and reclusive. I hate myself for feeling this way when it is a beautifully sunny day, albeit, downright cold. Nonetheless, it is a day that I should be enjoying by any means possible.

Yesterday I was so blue about our extended stay in MOI that Marc and I went shopping for Richnightder and Jerome. We bought lots and lots of clothes, more bedding, more cute wall decorations and finally bought some booster seats for the car. I almost feel like shopping for the boys at this stage of the game is putting a hex on the adoption. Everytime I buy things, a setback usually follows. Yes, I am superstitious, but I almost have to be having grown up in my Irish Catholic family. Right now, I am without faith, hope, and just feel like everytime we take a step forward, we ended having the rug pulled out from under us and go back 4 steps. What I really need now is an MOI exit and to believe that my boys will come home. It was 2 years ago that Marc and I sent in the first paperwork of our dossier to Heritage. 2 flippin' years!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boys were 4 years old when we first saw their pictures and fell in love. In two weeks, Jerome will turn 6 and my "babies" will officially both be grade-schoolers.

I am at a loss of how to drag myself out of this self-imposed melancholy. Shopping yesterday didn't even do it. I know I am REALLY down when shopping doesn't help. Then again, we don't have a Nordstrom here so buying nice shoes or purses was not an option. My sister was depressed and went out and bought herself a nice little Louis Vuitton handbag. She said it made her feel much better. Maybe I will have to try that too, but of course to do that I will have to drive to Minneapolis which is a 7 hour drive. See, no matter what, everything today has a dark lining to it. Where is the silver lining in all of this. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Just for fun today

......I went to the dentist thinking I would merely need a crown for the tooth I errantly thought I had cracked. HA!! Well in typical Geralyn fashion, the delightfully young dentist who appeared to be about 12 or 13 (since my dentist retired) gleefully informed me that I in fact had a cavity that went under my existing filling and needed to be drilled out and re-filled. YIPPPEEEE Seems the cavity was really deep and he sent me on my way with the warning to look out for excrutiating pain that would indeed indicate I would need a root canal. I have never had a root canal and seriously hope to never, ever have one.......EVER!!

This is just a natural completion to the misery that I feel having been stuck in MOI for 3 plus months. I would understand if they could give me a reason as to why we are still there, but in the absence of that, I am left with nothing. No reason, no explanation, and defintely no MOI movement. Marc was getting dressed this morning and tells me he is about to the point where he will just jump on a plane to PaP and give those in the know and power, a large sum of cash. Yes we are seriously contemplating bribery and whatever else is actually necessary to get my boys home. Since I am not up to date on illegal acts such as bribery, larceny and extortion I am not sure how to go about this, but I am open to suggestions from any of my felonious friends. Adoption makes people think and do weird stuff.

My novocaine is wearing off and my tooth is throbbing and my tongue is still numb. Being the trooper that I am, I managed to choke down a piece of chocolate cake and oddly enough, noticed that it had very little flavor. HHMMMMM, I wonder if I am onto something there?? And a warning to all of you that may have verbal diarhea like I am prone to. As I made small talk with Skippy, the 12 year old dentist, we talked about, what else, our Haitian adoption and I told him that the first time I was there I got dysentary. OOOps....the look on his face was pure fright. So the lesson here is if someone is going to be sticking their hand in your mouth, it is wise to refrain from telling him of the last intestinal distress that caused great motility of your bowels. I hastened to add that I had actually been treated and he seemed to relax. Maybe for a laugh I should have told him that I am an obsessive-complusive biter. I am wicked.

An honor bestowed upon us

I won't name names, but a fellow adoptive family has asked us to be the guardians of their children should anything happen to them. Marc and I are truly honored by this and realize that this is a wonderful privilege to think that they trust us enough to raise their children. I can already guarantee them that I would love their kids as much as I love my children. And God forbid anything happen to the parents, this would be one rockin' fun-filled, loud house!!

We are really honored by their request and without hesitation would welcome their kids into our home and hearts. Thanks you two for the wonderful honor.

It's because I'm a Pisces

Pisces are emotionally sensitive, intuitive and also fun loving. But lately I have been anything but fun-loving. I have been overly sensitive and am beginning to feel that this adoption will never, ever end. Yeah, it took some time to get over the set back of needing to rent-a-donkey to get some needed documents, but what I can't get over these days is still being in MOI since October even though all the documents are now in MOI's hands. Honestly there are some days I hate to leave the house because inevitably I will have to answer questions about when the boys will be home and what is taking so long.

I have always been a very out-going person and able to bounce back from most any adversity. Even the death of my parents, I was able to bounce back quickly and realize that they are in a better place and still watching over me. Having two boys that are legally ours and yet not able to come home to us is indescribably difficult to handle. I keep trying to be positive and believe that they will be coming home in March or April, but I have had these thoughts before and been sadly disappointed.

We have also come to a difficult decision regarding our eventual 'gotcha' trip to Haiti. We have decided that we are taking both Madison and Thomas. For a variety of reasons, namely that we don't have any family close by to take care of the kids, the fact that our last trip was horrendous because we had to leave haiti early to come home and be with Madison and Thomas because the in laws were struggling....oh, and my FIL has Narcolepsy and fell asleep driving with my kids...the fact that I want Madi and Tom to see the daily life struggles of the average Haitian, because I want all of us to be a family as soon as possible, and I also believe that Richnightder and Jerome will feel more comfortable traveling when they see Madi and Tom sitting in their seats and keeping their seatbelts on. I could go on and on, but you get the drift. I know a lot of people may disagree, but hey I can handle disagreement. What I can't handle again, is being separated from either set of kids and knowing one set is in danger or in need.

You know, Marc and I took a two week vacation right before we started this fun adoption journey and we left the kids with Holly, Thomas' functional language director, and we never worried or feared for the kids safety. We knew they were in capable hands and we had a great time. Holly watched the kids for us the first time we went to Haiti and once again we never worried and were able to concentrate on Richnightder and Jerome. But this last trip was something off the charts for anguish. So we are going to avoid that grief, worry and chaos by bringing the kids to Haiti. Life is too short for Madi and Thomas to not see first hand the suffering and struggles of those who must work for every morsel of food. I want them to know that the world is bigger than their wants and desires and to hopefully create in them the passion to help others and see the need to do their absolute best in all situations.

I must now get up and clean this house and bring it back to some sense of tidyness. I have really been off my game in a lot of situations and I must try to get my game face back on. When this adotion journey eventually comes to an end, I will be soooooo happy, and then crazy in a whole new way.

What's the worst gift you've ever received??

Since my last post, I have realized just how many people out there totally suck at giving gifts that the recipient actually wants or would fancy getting. So, after recalling some of the worst gifts I have ever gotten, I thought I would share a few of the winners.

Marc and I were married in November of 1990 and less than a month later, we celebrated our first Christmas as newlyweds. From my MIL, I got a handmade turtleneck flannel nightgown. SEXY!! When I opened the package, Marc blurts out that his mom had one "Just like that!!" She also gave me a collection of Marc's favorite meals and their recipes. Yeah, like that was going to happen. That same sucky Christmas, Marc gave me a grease splatter cover for my new frying pan. WHOOPEE!! Talk about striking out.

Our first Valentine's Day together, Marc was out of town for work for 3 1/2 months and he must have forgotten, so he sent me a Hershey bar. Not even a king size one, just one from the checkout lane. He has taken a few years of training, but now he is a super gift-giver and stops periodically to buy me flowers or buy me something special. But man, those early years, he sucked.

I will have to interject here that the best gift I have ever been given was when Marc bought me my beloved Quarter Horse, Tommy. We saw him at a show and I commented to our trainer how super that horse looked and she thought he might be for sale. I took a test ride on him, and fell in love. Marc secretly brokered the deal and bought me the horse. I couldn't believe it when he told me the horse was being brought up to Oregon and was all mine. He has proven to be a wonderful, wonderful horse with exceptional talent in Reining and will hopefully take Madison now to the world show and a possible top ten placing. I have never been more suprised in my life and I love that horse in a special way.



Another year from my MIL I got, no joke here, a bar of soap. Now this wasn't just any 'ol bar of soap, but one that you could see the toy inside, so if you washed your hands frequently, eventually the toy pony would be revealed and provide hours of play.

So I want to hear from all of you mumu wearing hot women out there, some of the worst gifts you have ever gotten. I want to know that others have gotten equally bad or worse gifts than I have. Please don't make me feel alone here.......come on ladies share your stories!!

I know everyone is jealous, don't deny it!!

We received our Christmas gifts from Marc's parents yesterday and look what I received. Yes, a quilted checkbook cover. While I recognize the talent and skill that went into hand-making this gem, it most definetly is not my style. Perhaps my MIL labours under the delusion that I am a dusty, old fart and totally dig this groovy stuff. Now had it been a Burberry checkbook cover to match my purse, I would have really appreciated its beauty!!

Hope everyone is envious and has checkbook cover envy!! HAHAHAHAHA

Kristi wins for favorite adoption blog

She won't be receiving a leg lamp as a major award, but she will get a lot of attention brought to her blog and Haitian adoptions. Seems Adoptive Families magazine named her blog "One of our favorites."Bringing Home KobeAn adoptive mom tells her story and provides updates as she waits to bring her son home from Haiti. So let's give a big standing ovation to our dear sister, Kristi as she waits, not-so-patiently to get her sweet, handsome boy home!!

I told you that you were the blogging queen, did I not??

mundane monday

We started homeschool again today after our Christmas break. Suprisingly it went fairly smoothly and well. Everyday we endeavour to start school at 8:30, but today we actually got a head start and began our day at 8AM.

What I have spent time contemplating though is bumming me out. I realized that since the first part of December, I have been wishing away time. I wished away days when I knew offices were closed in Haiti and no ones files were being reviewed. I wished away days when I knew our DNA test would eventually be back ( which we still haven't received any news). I wished away the first few days of this new year in anticipation of the government offices re-opening and hoping that we come out of MOI soon. Maybe that is what the year of 2009 will be known as in our household, the year of wishing away time. I so want to be able to stop and enjoy everyday, but with the two boys missing, it seems almost impossible to do.

I am tired of relentlessly checking my email to see if the DNA results are back. I am just as tired of waiting for word that we are out of MOI. All these hurdles represent just one more thing that needs to be accomplished before Jerome and Richnightder can actually come home. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to focus on much of anything for any length of time. I almost feel like I have ADD. All my thoughts revolve around getting news that we are closer to get these boys home. For God's sake, I am obsessed. I need to find some diversion, besides eating Christmas candy.

Tomorrow I am going to throw myself into the kids' homeschool day. I am going to focus on them without checking email every 2 seconds. I am going to enjoy doing science with Madison and trying to help her understand atomic weights of elements and working with combining elements. I am going to let Thomas read to me from Mr. Popper's Penguins and not let my thoughts drift to Haiti. I am going to try and live in the moment. Uffda, that will be a challenge, but I am going to give it a whirl. Madison and Thomas deserve to have me fully in the moment and not wishing away time; time that encompasses them too!!