We started homeschool again today after our Christmas break. Suprisingly it went fairly smoothly and well. Everyday we endeavour to start school at 8:30, but today we actually got a head start and began our day at 8AM.
What I have spent time contemplating though is bumming me out. I realized that since the first part of December, I have been wishing away time. I wished away days when I knew offices were closed in Haiti and no ones files were being reviewed. I wished away days when I knew our DNA test would eventually be back ( which we still haven't received any news). I wished away the first few days of this new year in anticipation of the government offices re-opening and hoping that we come out of MOI soon. Maybe that is what the year of 2009 will be known as in our household, the year of wishing away time. I so want to be able to stop and enjoy everyday, but with the two boys missing, it seems almost impossible to do.
I am tired of relentlessly checking my email to see if the DNA results are back. I am just as tired of waiting for word that we are out of MOI. All these hurdles represent just one more thing that needs to be accomplished before Jerome and Richnightder can actually come home. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to focus on much of anything for any length of time. I almost feel like I have ADD. All my thoughts revolve around getting news that we are closer to get these boys home. For God's sake, I am obsessed. I need to find some diversion, besides eating Christmas candy.
Tomorrow I am going to throw myself into the kids' homeschool day. I am going to focus on them without checking email every 2 seconds. I am going to enjoy doing science with Madison and trying to help her understand atomic weights of elements and working with combining elements. I am going to let Thomas read to me from Mr. Popper's Penguins and not let my thoughts drift to Haiti. I am going to try and live in the moment. Uffda, that will be a challenge, but I am going to give it a whirl. Madison and Thomas deserve to have me fully in the moment and not wishing away time; time that encompasses them too!!
There are scars, still. Even within the miracles.
4 months ago