Samuel Jerome and Richnightder

Samuel Jerome and Richnightder
Our boys in Haiti

Monday, January 5, 2009

mundane monday

We started homeschool again today after our Christmas break. Suprisingly it went fairly smoothly and well. Everyday we endeavour to start school at 8:30, but today we actually got a head start and began our day at 8AM.

What I have spent time contemplating though is bumming me out. I realized that since the first part of December, I have been wishing away time. I wished away days when I knew offices were closed in Haiti and no ones files were being reviewed. I wished away days when I knew our DNA test would eventually be back ( which we still haven't received any news). I wished away the first few days of this new year in anticipation of the government offices re-opening and hoping that we come out of MOI soon. Maybe that is what the year of 2009 will be known as in our household, the year of wishing away time. I so want to be able to stop and enjoy everyday, but with the two boys missing, it seems almost impossible to do.

I am tired of relentlessly checking my email to see if the DNA results are back. I am just as tired of waiting for word that we are out of MOI. All these hurdles represent just one more thing that needs to be accomplished before Jerome and Richnightder can actually come home. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to focus on much of anything for any length of time. I almost feel like I have ADD. All my thoughts revolve around getting news that we are closer to get these boys home. For God's sake, I am obsessed. I need to find some diversion, besides eating Christmas candy.

Tomorrow I am going to throw myself into the kids' homeschool day. I am going to focus on them without checking email every 2 seconds. I am going to enjoy doing science with Madison and trying to help her understand atomic weights of elements and working with combining elements. I am going to let Thomas read to me from Mr. Popper's Penguins and not let my thoughts drift to Haiti. I am going to try and live in the moment. Uffda, that will be a challenge, but I am going to give it a whirl. Madison and Thomas deserve to have me fully in the moment and not wishing away time; time that encompasses them too!!


Sarah & Crew said...

Wow, on many, many days I could write this exact same post. It's like living suspended between two different worlds, and you feel like you're in a fog most of the time. Many nights I have gone to bed feeling horribly about not giving my kids here at home my all.

But, tomorrow is always another day, and another chance to do things better than ever. I hope tomorrow is a great one for you all! :)
-Sarah C.

Jenn said...

I remember this all too well. I can recall dreading the weekends knowing my file would not make any progress, I missed a lot during that wait.

Hope you get some good news soon.

Brent and Lori said...

Completely get what you're saying. If mental energy could power the adoption process, our babies would all be home.

Here's another thought, though. Someone smart once said "I'll tell you what type of (wo)man you are if you tell me what you think about when you don't have to think."

You, Geralyn, are a mother. And since you can't physically mother your precious babies right now, you have to do it with your thoughts. And with every thought they are nestled deeper into your heart.

We all wear out our lives for something and I think it's a pretty fabulous thing to be able to say, "I was a full-time mother" - thoughts included.

Hang in there, Sister! Some miracles (like Haitian adoption) take time, but we'll all get through it together!


AprilC said...

Geralyn, I feel the EXACT same way.

Tifanni said...

Wow, that is exactly how I feel. It seems like time as a whole flies by, but each day drags on for an eternity. I hope we all get some great news soon :)

BethPie said...

Yep... I feel ya. This is my life, too.