Pisces are emotionally sensitive, intuitive and also fun loving. But lately I have been anything but fun-loving. I have been overly sensitive and am beginning to feel that this adoption will never, ever end. Yeah, it took some time to get over the set back of needing to rent-a-donkey to get some needed documents, but what I can't get over these days is still being in MOI since October even though all the documents are now in MOI's hands. Honestly there are some days I hate to leave the house because inevitably I will have to answer questions about when the boys will be home and what is taking so long.
I have always been a very out-going person and able to bounce back from most any adversity. Even the death of my parents, I was able to bounce back quickly and realize that they are in a better place and still watching over me. Having two boys that are legally ours and yet not able to come home to us is indescribably difficult to handle. I keep trying to be positive and believe that they will be coming home in March or April, but I have had these thoughts before and been sadly disappointed.
We have also come to a difficult decision regarding our eventual 'gotcha' trip to Haiti. We have decided that we are taking both Madison and Thomas. For a variety of reasons, namely that we don't have any family close by to take care of the kids, the fact that our last trip was horrendous because we had to leave haiti early to come home and be with Madison and Thomas because the in laws were struggling....oh, and my FIL has Narcolepsy and fell asleep driving with my kids...the fact that I want Madi and Tom to see the daily life struggles of the average Haitian, because I want all of us to be a family as soon as possible, and I also believe that Richnightder and Jerome will feel more comfortable traveling when they see Madi and Tom sitting in their seats and keeping their seatbelts on. I could go on and on, but you get the drift. I know a lot of people may disagree, but hey I can handle disagreement. What I can't handle again, is being separated from either set of kids and knowing one set is in danger or in need.
You know, Marc and I took a two week vacation right before we started this fun adoption journey and we left the kids with Holly, Thomas' functional language director, and we never worried or feared for the kids safety. We knew they were in capable hands and we had a great time. Holly watched the kids for us the first time we went to Haiti and once again we never worried and were able to concentrate on Richnightder and Jerome. But this last trip was something off the charts for anguish. So we are going to avoid that grief, worry and chaos by bringing the kids to Haiti. Life is too short for Madi and Thomas to not see first hand the suffering and struggles of those who must work for every morsel of food. I want them to know that the world is bigger than their wants and desires and to hopefully create in them the passion to help others and see the need to do their absolute best in all situations.
I must now get up and clean this house and bring it back to some sense of tidyness. I have really been off my game in a lot of situations and I must try to get my game face back on. When this adotion journey eventually comes to an end, I will be soooooo happy, and then crazy in a whole new way.
There are scars, still. Even within the miracles.
4 months ago