The sting of losing a church

Marc and Madison returned Friday evening from a 10 day youth group trip from church.  The name of this trip and the ones taken in the previous years are called faith adventure trips.  This years trip jouryned to New York City where we believed the kids (14-18 year olds) would be involved in charity service work of one kind or another.  After a 3 day bus ride from North Dakota to NYC, the kids and chaperones disembarked at their 'hostel' which had 2 people per room, with one person on a roll-a-way bed and 2 bathrooms on each floor serving about 30 strangers.  GAG!

It quickly became obvious that out of the 6 days spent in NYC, only 3 days had any type of service work involved.  Marc figured that including travel time on the subways to reach the soup kitchens, the total amount of time spent in service to others was a mere 5 hours!  Now in my world, 5 hours does not constitute substantial community giving.  Let along having to travel by bus for 30 hours in each direction to participate in 5 hours of charitable giving.  I know first hand that there are several places right here in Bismarck where these kids could put some sweat into serving others!

Lots of things are bothering us about this so called Faith Adventure.  First of all, when asked why the prefered method of transportation was by bus, the pastor informed Marc that it was not only cheaper, but allowed for team building exercises to take place in transit...to solidfy the group.  COUGH, I call BS on this one.  Seems there was actually NO team building exercises that occured in transit at all.  Another little thing that annoys me is that while yes, they were in NYC, the over-whelming vast majority of the time was spent sight-seeing.  While I do agree that the kids from our church have led narrow lives, with few having traveled anywhere in the USA before and most having never flown on a plane...sad but true....the pastor also wanted to expose these kids to cultural differences.  God knows these kids need that.  Most of the local kids still look at my kids and call them wooly because of their hair, and ask stupid questions about their skin.  At worst, these kids have called my kids the N word and spoken freely at the parsonage about shooting "coons."  They've told racist jokes to my kids on previous church outings and joked about how my kids shouldn't be able to swim, but could sure shoot hoops.  We've tolerated and tried valiantly to educate the local kids to no avail.  Some are quiet in their bigotry and some are blatant, neither of which feels good.

So on this journey, Marc got to witness first hand how the girls bullied Madison.  Madison simply aint no shrinkin' violet, for damn sure, but even she can only take so much.  Marc watched the girls make fun of her curly hair, listened to them as they told her that the roommate would take the bed and Madison would have to deal with the roll-a-way, and watched as the girls ostracized Madison at Times Square and told her that they would be going off sight-seeing without her.  Marc was a good Dad and picked up the slack when all she wanted was to be accepted by narrow-minded, frightened girls.  That night at devotions with the group, Marc was asked where he had seen the face of God.  He replied, "I know where I DIDN'T see the face of God, and that was in the young girls who have mocked and shunned Madison to the point of tears."  One of the girls to whom Marc was referring had a Mom along as a chaperone who instead of acknowledging this issue chose to give both Marc and Madison the cold shoulder for the remainder of the trip and refused to speak to them. 

Marc brought this issue up to our pastor who shocked the hell out of us by telling Marc that this is normal girl behavior and he would not comment or talk to the girls since he hadn't seen it himself.  He had been told by several people about the bullying, but chose to ignore it and not address it because I believe he(the pastor) too, is a chicken to stand up to the majority to take the cause of the minority.  Marc called me from New York to share what our pastor had said, or failed to say, and we both feel that since this is a church trip, not a secular school trip and we both expect these kids from church to behave in a Christian manner.  If this is a faith adventure then these kids better step up and bring a Christ like behavior with them, or stay at home.

We are sick feeling about this.  To think that our pastor can call this behavior 'Normal girl behavior' is sickening.  Since when do we as a church body, lower our standards and condone mean, ignorant behavior?  Madison and Thomas experienced bullying in the private Christian school they were in for 3 years and then again in public school.  Now as homeschoolers it's odd that my kids are experiencing the most egregious behavior from the people that compose their church family. 

Madison came home with a new appreciation of how 'average' young teen girls treat each other.  I am glad she is a strong, Strong young girl who can move beyond the slights and insults tossed her way, but it still leaves an invisible scar deep within.  Marc and I have tried our best to live our values and morals as an example to our kids.  We expect them to respect everyone.  They may not like someone, but we still expect them to be civil.  How is that our pastor can turn away, shirk his duty to teach and instill Christ like values to those in his charge when he knows this behavior is occuring?  To avoid it with the casual thought that this is normal is to perpetuate its cruelty. 

I am mad.  I am sad and I feel lost in my spiritual journey.  I refuse to let one man who happens to wear a collar, destroy my faith in God, but he has destroyed my faith in him and his ability to take a moral stand and correct those who are behaving in a despicable very un-Christ like manner.  It's not often that Marc expresses his sadness and vunerability, but when it comes to our kids, that is our weak spot.  How can we return to this church knowing our pastor, our shephard of our flock, perceives and condones this behavior as normal and acceptable?  This is where we are right now.  It's not a good place and it stings. 

hardball

In my last post, I wrote about how this ding bat lady wanted us to help her by reducing the price of our property so it was more comfortable for them to meet their payments.  Well, against all odds, after that discussion with her, we raised our price again and got yet another bite on our property.

I emailed the first gal back and told her about the new interest and believe it or not, they have agreed to our asking price.  I guess her comfort level could be expanded after all without my help!

We've never played hardball before and never intended too, but we too see this property sale as a chance to help fund our trip to Haiti to search for Richnigthder's family.  We also intend on helping our friends, the Watkins family who are moving to Haiti to run the orphanage for the children who are not legally free for adoption, but who are still abandoned and in need of Watkins love!  You can follow their adventure here http://www.mountainstomountains.blogspot.com/

Anyhow, I feel badly for the other people who were ready to plop down money on our property, but this gal is ready to go, pre-approved and wants to do the earnest money tomorrow.  We've never been lucky in selling property.  Heck when the government moved us here in 2003 we barely broke even on our house in Oregon.  Then the last house we sold, we actually had to bring a check to closing to pay the difference.  Seriously, who ever has to bring money to the closing when you are the SELLER?! 

My hope is that this nest egg will do some good for our kids and the kids who have no one in this world.  What the Watkins family is doing is following Christ's example of love to the letter.  They are in the place in their life when they are able to go and do what very few others can even contemplate. 

Sometimes, ding bats aren't as dingy as they appear, and by us digging our heels in, we may be able to have some fun and continue to help the country where are hearts are always tugged, Haiti!

Am I missing something here?

We have 40 acres of bare land for sale in Wilton, North Dakota.  When we bought this land, we planned on building on it and customizing it for our horses.  Soon after we bought it, we found this house on 40 acres and it seemed a no-brainer to buy the house we are in since it required much less planning, developing and building.

Fast forward to today.  We have held onto the land as an investment.  Land prices in North Dakota are escalating quickly and is at a premium.  40 acre lots are becoming very rare in the Bismarck/Mandan area and in fact we have one of only a handful available for purchase.  We have marketed ours well under competitive pieces  and against all reason, every time we raise the price we get more interest and offers.

We currently have two offers.  One offer we have agreed upon the price and have given the family a few weeks to get their financing in order.  Yesterday we got another offer from a gal who is crazy about the property and has already contacted builders about getting a home constructed on the property.  Here's where I am feeling insulted and bewildered. 

She made us a low ball, insulting offer, $35,000 under our asking price.  We countered back at full asking price and she replied with, "This really doesn't help us with our payments. We want to stay at a certain payment amount and was thinking you would help us."  WTF?????  Am I missing something here?  Is it our responsibility to help the prospective buyer meet her payments?  Then she added, that it's a little further out of Bismarck than they wanted and what about the snowy and icy roads?  Um, yeah.  That's part of living in North Dakota. 

Am I being dense here?  When did it become our responsibility to help the buyer meet their payment comfort level?  Look, you either buy it or you don't.  Maybe I'll start going through life like this gal.  I'll just expect everyone to help me out and make my life easier.  Yep, that takes a load off of me.  Next time I'm at the grocery store, I'll just tell the checker that the price really doesn't help me stay in my budget and stand there and pout.  If any of my kids ever grow up to be this inept, I'll blame, hmmm, everybody else!

Today, because I can

Today, simply because I can and the day is already off to a freakish start, I am going to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.  In other words, if I can't beat 'em, I better join them.  For the dense people out there, I am referring to my children!

A composition with heart

Richnigthder is my deep thinker.  He's quiet and introspective.  He always has a lot churning through his brain and sometimes shares those thoughts with me.  Today I asked him to write a composition telling me why he was crying in the car yesterday.

He was sitting in the center row of the car,crying silently.  Tears were running down his face and he tried to wipe them away without any of us noticing.  I asked him if he would share his thoughts with me and he said yes.  Today, those thoughts and emotions came pouring out in his wonderful composition.

Here it is verbatim, without corrections:
      I was sad the other day thinking about Camesuze and Jean.  When I was thinking about Camesuze and Jean, I couldn't stop crying until I saw a car that looked like a car from Haiti.  I was thinking about the earthquake and I couldn't off my mind.  I was thinking about if they were dead.  I just couldn't off my mind.  I can't wait to go see Haiti again and other people and meet other people.  I'm praying to God in bed because I want them alive so we could have a great trip.

We have been planning a trip to Haiti near the end of the year to begin our search for his birth family.  We talk about the trip everyday and how we will start our search.  I know he is excited to begin this journey, but also immensely sad to have to face a horrific realization......that his birth family may be dead and lost to us forever.  His tender soul is aching to know their fate.  We need to know one way or the other.  It truly is the not-knowing that is torture.

Richnigthder tells me frequently that he wants to be a doctor and return to Haiti to help poor people.  I'd like to think I can take some credit for his amazing soul, but honestly, the credit goes to his amazing birth parents and God.  He is a rare soul and the best Marc and I can do is to continue to nurture it and help him follow the path his birth parents laid out for him.

Ah, these Haitian kids are amazing kids! 

Sometimes lemonade isn't that great regardless of the lemons used to make it

It's no great secret that our life is always a roller coaster adventure.  No matter how well planned I think the day/week is, something always happens that changes the orderly chaos I thought I had contained.  This past week was a prime example.

Madison was scheduled to show at her first dressage show in Billings, Montana.  Although her horse has been battling some lameness issues, we had her coffin joint injected in both front feet and she seemed to be back to her normal, free-flowing, fluid gaits.  On Wednesday, she had another lesson with Karla to tune her up before we hit the road for the show.  Ka Ching was a royal pain the butt!  She was angry, defiant and unwilling to work. 

As Madison moved to transition her from a trot to a canter, Ka Ching began to throw her head and then put her nose on the ground and bucked and bucked.  Madison fought a good fight trying to stay on, but in the end, she belly-flopped....and hard.  Then ka Ching stepped on her left shin as Madison laid on the ground trying to catch her breath.  I dealt with Madison and karla dealt with Ka Ching.  After an exhaustive lunging session, Ka Ching seemed a little more willing to please and Madison regained her position on top of the beast and rode on.

On Thursday, as I packed the horse trailer and gathered the remaining interstate health certificate the horse needed, Madison tried to give Ka Ching a light work out here at home.  This is where my kid broke down in tears and realized this weekends show was in jeopardy.  Ka Ching refused, REFUSED to move forward.  She wouldn't walk or trot down the center line of the arena.  WOULD. NOT. DO. IT!

I called Karla and we decided it was best to not spend $500 in gas money to haul the horse to the show since she seems to have some yet, undiagnosed lameness issue that is causing her to be this defiant.  We ate the show fees and decided to drive out and watch our friends and trainers show.  On Thursday I called the host hotel for the dressage show, The Dude Rancher Lodge in Billings and the receptionist sounded very pleasant, but also very distracted.  I told her I had a better price on Priceline and she happily matched that price. 

Fast forward two hours......I decided to check on the miserable weather (snow) forecast for Billings and was shocked to the point of insane laughter to see that the hotel I had just booked, had just had a wanted felon shot and killed there in a massive gun fight with police.  When I booked the room, the receptionist was distracted since the police were conducting their investigation and the crime scene was being cleaned of bio hazards.  Yippeeee!  It was at this point that I realized all the signs were pointing towards telling me not to travel to Billings.

In fact, the weather was so bad for Karla and her crew that either Friday or Saturday they awoke to 6 inches of snow.  This added to the chaos of trying to keep show horses clean and warm.  I'm glad Madison and I stayed home, but my kid is beside herself with sadness and anxiety about not having a functioning horse for this show season.  I hate to see her so sad and feeling as though her dreams are slipping away.  I hate to see her crying and worrying.  I hate to see her moping around.

The hunt is now on for a new dressage horse.  I suppose if she has the talent and drive to reach for the stars, Marc and I will do what we can to help her get there.  For anyone who doesn't think dressage is a sport, think again.  Both horse and rider have to be in great condition, mentally and physically and be totally tuned into each other.  Now Madison is ready to go and show and her partner is struggling.  Ka Ching will be heading to a specialist in Anoka, Minnesota and we are hoping that we get some answers to her lameness and refusals. 

And as usual, our carefully scheduled chaos goes on in disorderly disarray.

Isn't God really about love and not hatred?

I tend to quietly follow the politics of our country and take passionate stances when issues resonate deeply within my soul.  Politics have intrigued me for years and the machinations of humans never cease to amaze me.  You know way back when (1989) I received my bachelors in Political Science so I do have a smidgen of knowledge about the happenings of this union of ours.

Politicians come and go and with them, so do their beliefs.  Just as politicians come and go, so do ideologies of the times.  Within recent times, people of different races were prohibited from marrying.  Some people even backed that belief up by using the Bible.  Of course, time marched on, people latched on to new beliefs and realized that the world did not implode if people of different skin colors married and had children.

Of course throughout the course of human history, people have used the Bible to defend all types of issues.  Now given my liberal nature, I have no problem with people holding different values than my own, but I do have problems when people use the Bible and God as a reason to espouse hatred.  I take great issue with Christians who quote the Bible and use the Bibles words as weapons used to hurt.  Seriously, there are parts of the Bible that state an unmarried woman who has premarital sex should be stoned to death.  Or better yet, how about the sin of wearing multiple fiber clothing.  If people are going to say they follow the Bible as God's inerrant word, then they better be prepared to follow every last dictate in in the Good Book.

As a happy ELCA Lutheran, I am proud to be a member of a church family that embraces God's word in the Bible and that realizes how important it is to relate those ancient words to modern life.  Of course no one should be stoned to death for have sex out of wed lock and children should not be put to death for cursing their parent, but somehow these leniency's seem appropriate to those who claim to be following the word of the Bible.  Hmmmm, makes one wonder how they pick and choose which aspects to follow and which ones to defend as obviously having evolved with the progression of time.

All of this leads me to the topic of same sex marriage.  Seriously people, why do conservatives object?  I've heard all the crazy arguments that liken it to beastiality and other disgusting ideas.  Those who propose those ridiculous arguments are grasping at straws to save their narrow views.  I am thrilled that we have a President with courage enough to publicly state that it's a human right to allow marriage between two consenting same-sex adults.  BRAVO, President Obama and Vice President Biden!

Save the arguments people.  I believe that God doesn't make mistakes and when someone is gay, that's who they are and they are entitled to the same happiness and rights as heterosexuals.  As an ELCA Lutheran, our church accepts and embraces same sex unions and allows an openly gay, monogamous man or woman to be a pastor.  Now that is exemplifying God's love!~

Time continues to march on and as with everything else in life, once hotly debated topics that were viewed as abominations offending God (interracial marriage) have fortunately changed.  It's my desire and hope that someday every consenting adult in this country will have the right to choose which human they marry and have it recognized legally.