Thomas is officially a teenager today, God help me!

13 years ago today we received a phone call from Winnell Bird who ran Blessed Trinity Adoption Agency in Houston.  She was calling to tell me that 3 babies had been born that day and I needed to pick one of them RIGHT NOW.  I heard the words, but could not believe what I was hearing.  How could I possibly choose one of these newborn angels?

One of the babies was a bi-racial girl in New Hampshire, one was a black baby girl in Louisiana and one was a newborn black boy in Houston.  In the 60 seconds I had to choose, I asked Winnell which baby would be the last one chosen.  She told me the dark black boy would be, so that was the baby I chose!  That itty-bitty baby boy, that we named Thomas has been a treasure for our family.  I know with every fiber of my being, that God meant this child to be ours.  He is a blessing to us and has helped us see the world thru different eyes.  He has taught us so many lessons that I most often feel inadequate.

13 years ago, Thomas entered the world at 15 minutes after midnight.  He has packed more adventure, joy and experiences into those 13 years than most people do in a lifetime.  I love my angel for his sense of adventure, kind, kind heart, sense of humor and his ability to adapt to the chaos of our life.  I can't even imagine what our family would be like without Thomas in it.  One thing is for sure.  Our family would have saved a TON of money on doctor co-pays and emergency room visits.  He keeps life spicy and always interesting.

Happy birthday to my oldest son.  I treasure you and thank God for you everyday!

4 stitches and not a tear, pout, or whimper

Madison and I went shopping at Sam's Club today and only ended up filling one flatbed cart.  We thought we did a great job being frugal and just getting the necessities such as Chips Ahoy cookies, ice cream bars, Ritz bitz crackers....you know....the basics!  We had just checked out when my phone rang and it was Marc asking if I had received the picture he sent me. 

I hadn't gotten any pics so he explained that he wanted me to look at a cut on Richnigthder's elbow he had gotten falling off his bike while trying to pull a 'Napoleon Dynamite' move.  Seems my two older boys were trying to jump their bikes over some homemade jumps which were made of 2x4's, 4x4's and some rusty nails and screws.  The pics would not come thru so I just headed for home as quickly as I could.  Of course I instantly got diarrhea on the trip home since I let Madison drive and there were numerous construction zones to pass thru.  Oh the struggles of being a mother!

We made it home and as soon as I saw his cut....actually it was more like a tear....I knew he'd need stitches.  Madison unloaded the car, took the groceries inside and watched Thomas and Jerome while Marc and I headed to the ER.  Of course the walk in urgent care clinic closed at 4PM so we had to go to the ER and wait awhile as there were two life flight victims of car accidents brought into trauma.  Richnigthder was an ALL STAR ROCK STAR!  They used a needle to numb the area around the tear and he watched and never batted an eye.  Then the doctor, who looked as young as Doogie Howser, sewed him up with Richnigthder watching intently.  My kid is da bomb!

We stopped at Dairy Queen and he got an extra large Butterfinger Blizzard and then pressed on to Little Caesar's for take home pizza.  All I can say is that they must grow them tough in Haiti.  Richnigthder is still denying any pain even though I know it must be throbbing.  He made this mom so proud.  Not proud because he was stoic, but because he is so thoroughly attached and trusting to know that we were looking out for him and taking care of him, even if it meant pain in the form of stitches.  I love my kid for being so brave and for trusting us so completely. 

Aside from the trip to the ER today and the near visit to the ER yesterday with Thomas and a possible broken nose, it's just been another normal weekend at our house.  Thankfully we have ice cream bars and cookies to ease all the boo-boo's!~  Bring on Monday.....I can take it!

Adoption tax credit

Our accountant filed our taxes in early March.  In April we received a refund based on our taxes, but withholding the adoption tax credit still due us.  They requested copies of all receipts dealing with our adoption expenses, which we promptly provided.  Then they requested another copy of their IR-3 visa, which we faxed.

We received a letter in May telling us that they would review our file and notify us within 30 days of their decision.  DECISION????  What's to decide?  We spent gobs more on the adoption of each boy than the allowable tax refund, so what's to decide?  Then in June we received a letter asking for ANOTHER copy of their IR-3 visa.  WTF?  Marc finally talked to someone last week regarding why our file hasn't been reviewed yet, and they notified Marc that they needed a copy of the adoption decree and a translated version.

OK, we have those documents, but that's not what is legally required, per their own damn IRS forms.  Nonetheless, we faxed copies of their adoption decrees showing that the adoption of the boys was final in 2008 in Haiti.  Of course, the paperwork trail wasn't finished in Haiti until April of 2009 when we brought the boys home.  Heck, for that matter, the U.S. Embassy in Port-au-Prince took 2 weeks to issue their visas to travel home in April of 2009.  So while the boys were legally ours in Haiti in 2008, we couldn't bring them to the United States, nor claim them on our taxes as they were not U.S. citizens, had no SSN, and were not residing with us.  BUT now, according to the IRS, we should have claimed the boys on our 2008 taxes and will withhold part of our adoption tax credit until we amend our 2008 returns to reflect the addition of the two little boys........EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE STILL IN HAITI AND NOT LEGALLY ENTITLED TO ENTER THE U.S.! 

Because we have to amend our 2008 return, they will reduce our maximum allowable refund to the 2008 limit which is roughly $1000 less than the 2009 allowable refund.  To further complicate this, the IRS will be paying us interest on the 2008 return and on the adoption tax credit from this years return.  I'm not sure how much that will be, but I'm sure it won't be as much as if we were tardy in paying them!

I'm screaming right now out of frustration and anger.  How asinine to think we could have claimed the boys in 2008 when they weren't even a citizen of the United States then, nor could not legally enter our country.  I can't be the only one that finds this mind-numbingly confusing. 

Yeah, so we will get a portion of the refund....or so they say....within 6 weeks and the rest of the refund when we amend our taxes.  Even if we get right on it and get it done ASAP, according to the gal Marc has been dealing with at the IRS it will be approximately 6 months.  Hey IRS.....mama needs money!!!  Send me my damn money and stop changing the rules as you go along.  Kids call rule changers....CHEATERS!  Quit changing the damn rules and send me my money!  Mama needs a trip to the liquor store!

language disorders and other facts of life

It's widely known that Thomas has a language disorder.  It affects the way he hears, interprets and relays information he hears or sees.  When he was 5 and in pre-K  his teacher asked us to have him tested for ADD/ADHD.  I found an assessment center and had him tested only to be told he did not have ADD/ADHD, but instead had Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder.

We kind of always knew something was weird in the way he reacted to social cues.  For instance, he never understood the fact that someone could be laughing with him and not AT him.  He'd get all pissy, stomp his feet and yell.  We also could tell that he was very verbal from a young age, but never realized his speech, while articulate, was mere parroting.  He also struggled with some sensory issues that affected his ability to eat foods with different textures and to deal with/ process outside stimuli such as large, loud settings or needing to sleep with a pile of heavy blankets on him.

Thomas worked his butt off to reach age appropriate goals in Speech Therapy and Occupational Therapy.  He learned how to add content to his speech, how to extract information from his brain and articulate it, and how to 'read' social cues.  Perhaps the social aspect was the hardest.  It was interesting to see how Madison just innately got social inferences and facial expressions and yet Thomas had to be taught how to read someones facial emotions.  Weird.  My hat's off to Thomas for his diligent work over the course of 5 years in therapies.  While some social situations remain elusive to Thomas, he now is able to understand social parameters and gets when someone...or himself....are behaving outside of normal standards.  This is a huge accomplishment.

Even though he has graduated from Speech and OT, I still see areas of struggles.  The other day he had a really nice kid over to play.  He has been friends with this kid for 6 years and while I see that his friend is maturing at a faster pace than Thomas, I also see that Thomas notices it and strives to behave in an age appropriate manner.  Thomas works so hard to behave in an acceptable manner that is physically and mental whoops him.  When his friend went home, Thomas crashed.  He had a melt-down and was drained.  How sad that he has to work so hard to maintain friendships and social parameters. 

What's super sad about his language disorder is that his appearance to the world is 100%  average.  He doesn't wear a physical sign that tells the world he struggles with some issues.  There are times I want to hang a sandwich board sign around his neck that announces his struggles.  I worry as he gets older that the expectations of life get more demanding, he will be so frustrated that he won't be able to function.  I'd love to know why he has this struggle, but I guess it relates to the poor start he was given in life in utero.  My anger at the exposures he was subjected to even before his first breath is immeasurable.  I'm not angry at him.  I'm angry at his birthmom, but that is irrelevant now since she passed away.  I'm left to guide my son to successful adulthood: one where he can navigate the world of social situations and one where he must learn to voice his thoughts in articulate, clearly understandable  language.

While I know his struggles with life skills, he is greatly adept and trying to hide them from outside people.  My heart ached from laughter and from pain when I overheard this conversation with his friend while driving him home.  The comedy of errors began when Thomas' friend answered a question I asked him.
Me: Chris, isn't that you're cousin's house?
Chris: Which one?
Me: Your cousin, Jane.
Chris: Hmmmmm, that name rings a bell.
Thomas: What bell?
Chris: The lunch bell, idiot!

Chris is a wonderful kid, so don't get me wrong here.  It was just so sad to see that Thomas couldn't follow the simple conversation and grasp the social slang of 'ring a bell'.  Thomas is a very social kid and loves to be surrounded by friends, but finds it exhausting and now even he can see when he has failed to grasp a social cue or language inference.  He is still able to laugh off his faux pas but I wonder how it must feel to know he missed yet another simple, social cue? 

Picture this...

The scene played out in the hallway on the third floor of the Federal Building in Bismarck, where Marc has his main office.  He had just left his office and ran into a man that works down the hall as an assistant United States Attorney.  Marc knows this guy casually and has never had a long conversation with this guy before yesterday.

Marc said that this guy initiated small talk about some governmental law involving drugs.  Marc acknowledged he knew about this new law and that's when this guy shoved not just his foot, but his whole damn leg into his mouth.  This guy told Marc he couldn't say what he was going to tell Marc in his office (United States Attorney's Office), but for some reason, he 'knew' he could tell Marc.  He then proceeded to enlighten Marc that this knew law was "A black thing, because of Obama and that's what brother's do."  He then added that drug addiction was also a "Black thing." 

That's when Marc said, "Hey, you know what?  I have 4 black kids!"  He said the look on his face was that of someone being punched in the belly and all the air escaping leaving them suffocating and drooling.  That's when the guy started checking his watch and saying he had to run, but not before Marc enlightened him in the ways of his ignorance.  Marc has a little more diplomacy and eloquence in his 'chats' than I do and I am sure this guy walked away not even sure he had been made to feel ignorant, but feeling justifiably embarrassed by his gross behavior.

What bugs me most about this situation is that this man is an attorney representing the United States government.  He has a picture of President Obama in the office where he works as does Marc.  It's part of the respect that is given to the Commander in Chief of our country.  This guy may not like Obama's policies, but he needs to be respectful and keep the derogatory slurs to himself.  Hey, Marc wasn't wild about Bush as president, yet when his picture hung in his office in the Federal Building, Marc was respectful of the man and the position he held. 

I guess this butt-hole guy showed his true colors of bigotry and racism with what he said to Marc in the halls of the Federal Building.  I wonder how unbiased and open-minded he would be if he was prosecuting a young black man accused of drug crimes?  I'm willing to bet, he would exhibit all the politically correct statements in public, and behind closed doors, berate and belittle ALL black people with the stroke of a broad brush and paint them all as stupid, unemployed dope dealers. 

It's 2011 people.  What's with judging people merely by the amount of pigment in their skin?  Judge people based on their actions, not by their appearance. 

Poop

This is not a post about fecal matter, rather a post about my feelings.  We heard back from GLA and found out that the two little girls from Jeremie are NOT Richnigthder's little sisters.  I was so hoping that there were and we could bring them home and Richnigthder could grow up with his birth siblings.

Alas, they are not. Having faith in my heart that God knows best, I will continue to pray that his birthfamily is safe from the EQ that occured so very long ago now and that if they bring anymore beloved children to a creche, God leads them to us.  I have room  in my heart and home and pray that God leads us to whatever child is meant to be with us in his wisdom. 

It's a small world though, as the guy that emailed me back from GLA has a wife named Cheryl who will be an Orlando Chick next March.  Amazing how tiny this little planet is in reality!

Tick tock, tick tock

We are counting down the days until our dear friends the Watkins family and the Dorcheus family join us for a week of fun.   Next Tuesday, Mike, Tifanni and their 4 gorgeous, funny kids, invade our place.  Then on Wednesday, Nate and Kristi and their 3 kids cruise on in.  I am actually looking forward to the noise and laughter and occasional fight amongst the kids.  Of course being dutiful parents, each of us having passed rigorous home studies for the adoption process, and have been deemed reliable, sensible, upstanding citizens well prepared to parent and guide children thru to adulthood.  In order to ensure that the 6 grown ups survive the chaos, we plan to rely on proven parenting techniques that have withstood the test of time.......LIQUOR!

On Friday, our pack of wild animals will head out in caravan to head to Haiti in our Hearts camp in Alexandria, Minnesota.  Friday afternoon to Sunday our families will be chillin' at Lake Geneva where the kids will swim in the lake, canoe, bike, climb rock walls, play basketball and dance till they can't keep their eyes open.  The parents will of course socialize with one another, compare notes on the stuff each of our kids have broken and just enjoy being in a setting where families like ours are the norm and we don't stand out.  We won't be asked probing, inappropriate questions about how are families came to be and we can just relax and let the kids have fun without feeling like everyone is staring at us.

Who knew that 2 years ago on Father's Day, we would meet two super couples at a hotel in Miami, eat dinner with them at a Cuban restaurant and then spend a couple days with them at our childrens'  creche in Haiti.  These couples have become important lifelines for Marc and me.  I spent time with Kristi 4 months ago in Orlando, along with 67 other women and it let us spend some time realizing the complexities of our lives and how much we have in common.  Tifanni and Mike have become dear, dear friends; God parent's to Richnigthder and Jerome and God forbid, our children's guardians should Marc and I die.  I still marvel in awe how our Haitian children, that lived so far away from all of us, brought us all together with a common bond.

I will be menu planning tomorrow to make sure we have tons of junk food on hand, slip and slides, hula hoops, nerf guns and all the bike tires are inflated awaiting their arrivals.  Naturally I will be stopping at the liquor store to pick up beverages of an adult nature and will of course, make sure I have tons of kook aid on hand for the wee ones.  My kids are so excited to know that these two families are coming to visit that they are a humongous pain in my butt right now.  Everyday, I get asked if tomorrow is the day everyone arrives.  Soon enough I will be able to tell them that today is the day.  Until then, I continue to clean and checking off the days on the calendar.

Summer sunshine, good friends, laughter and happy kids, that's what makes life worthwhile!