I went to my weekly physical therapy appointment last Tuesday and left in great disappointment. Mr. Studdly, AKA Mr. PT informed me that my knee is still healing and is not tight in full straight leg extension. At 30 degrees of flexion it feels as tight as my left knee but since it's still loosy-goosy in the straight position, he won't allow me to wear my leg brace unlocked or to bear any weight yet. POOP!
I have some more involved exercises to do to strengthen my knee, but they hurt like hell. Now I actually don't know what hell feels like, but I can now describe it as a burning ache that radiates to the deepest recesses of my knee. Sometimes when I am trying to bend my knee it feels like someone tied knots in my ligament and as it stretches the knots get pulled over each other. Yeah, not a cool feeling especially after having seen my ligament on the MRI and seeing how it looked like shredded chicken meat.
I go back to the physical therapist on Monday morning and then I see the ortho. I am hoping like heck that my knee has tigthened up enough that they will allow me to start wearing my brace in the unlocked/flexed position and will let me start putting weight on the leg. I know the ortho told me that by 6-8 weeks my knee will be as scarred down and as tight as it will get. I just hope that it gets as tight as the left knee and I will not need major reconstruction to tighten the MCL. I'm not really worked up about needing arthroscopic surgery on my meniscus as that should be relatively easy compared to the damage I did to the MCL, and it can wait for several months as I rehab the ligament.
I'm bummed as I sit here, watching holiday plans take shape around me. I won't be able to prepare, cook and bake our Thanksgiving dinner, nor will I be able to participate in Christmas shopping in stores. I'm having a major pity-party for myself and would love to have company. I just want to get up and resume my normal life and would love to see some forward progress of my knee healing. Out of this experience I have learned I am not patient, nor happy to sit idly by and watch life happen around me. I have to get back to living soon. My expanding waist and butt can't take much more self-soothing of the Schwan's ice cream kind.
There are scars, still. Even within the miracles.
4 months ago