The fastest way to flush $5000

Thomas had his braces removed in February. His gorgeous teeth were sparkling, stunningly straight and when he smiled they were a gleaming tribute to the money we invested in his oral health and appearance.  Since February, I have developed a new mantra.  At least 4 gazillion, bazillion times a day I ask Thomas where his retainers are.  At this point in his orthodontic treatment, the retainers should be in his mouth 24 hours a day and only come out when he is eating or brushing his pearly whites.

Since February, Thomas has lost his retainers too many times to count, only to have them turn up in some freakish place like, under his dresser, in the pocket of his jeans, the zippered compartment of my purse, in his sock drawer, the glove box of the car, a Big Mac box, the silverware drawer, the fridge in the bar downstairs and my personal favorite, on the pew in front of us at church.  In addition to losing them all the freaking time, the dog as eaten them twice.  The first time, we returned immediately to the orthodontist to have a new bottom retainer made.  He cautioned Thomas again about the need to keep his retainers in or his teeth would go back to their original crooked positions.

Unfortunately I was a little slow in realizing today that the snapping and crunching coming from behind the couch this morning was the dog chewing up his retainer....AGAIN!  Yes, I realize that Thomas has some struggles with cause/effect behavior, predicting outcomes, and remembering things, but I am PISSED OFF WITH HIS LACK OF CARE AND THE MONEY IT WILL CAUSE US TO SPEND...............AGAIN!  So in an effort to reduce my daily mantra reiteration, we are scheduling an appointment for Thomas to have at least one permanent retainer put on and perhaps a different retainer other than those Invisalign thingymabobs he's had.  At this point I'd be happy-as-a -woman-with-money-in her-savings-account to have the ugly wire retainers made that he'll be embarrassed to wear!

God grant me patience.  Madison gets her braces removed next month.  I can't deal with two kids and lost retainers.

Addendum: 12 Noon, Tuesday

The orthodontist explained that he is too young and his teeth too freshly out of braces to put a permanent retainer on.  I do have faith in the ortho and believe in his work so I will follow his advice and return for yet another impression and new retainer thingymabob made.  If the ortho had young children himself, I would completely believe that the Laurie family was solely responsible for putting his children thru college. 

To perpetuate the fun I was already having today, one of the Rottweilers went into Thomas' bedroom, jumped up on his bed and took a ginormous wizz!  Looking at the pool of pee, I believe the mattress is a total loss and will head out shortly to go buy a new one.