I head out of here on Tuesday with Jerome and Madison for Minneapolis. He has his pre-op appointment on Wednesday with surgery scheduled for 7:30AM on Thursday morning. I had to have his pre-op physical completed here by his pediatrician on Thursday and I was shocked to see that he has grown 4 inches since November.
He has been home now for almost 10 months and i can attest that the boys are indeed growing since I have to buy new clothes and shoes every few weeks. But 4 inches, uffda!! The kid is eating normal food, mixed with the usual slop of American fast food occasionally and I really, honestly believe that his growth is due not to proper nutrition but because of L.O.V.E!!!! Even the pediatrician believes that love plays a major role in not only emotional growth but also physical. Jerome has grown in every way possible.
Richnigthder has grown too and now is a solid size 8. He is a sturdy guy with a solid squarish type body. He is huge into athletics and loves skiing. Yesterday Marc took Madi, Thomas and Richnigthder to go skiing and he now skis most of the runs himself and takes the lift without any help. He is such a big fella that he not only skis independently, but also went into the lodge and bought his friend and himself a treat. He is so smart and willing to try new things. How did my little boys grow up so fast. Oh, right, they've only been home 10 months!
Somedays it seems impossible that they have been home so long already. Most of the time though it feels like they have always been a part of our lives. But there are moments when I am shocked back to reality to recognize that the majority of their lives so far are unknown to me. I have filled out the numerous medical questionnaires required for his surgery and it is soooo sad to me that I am unable to provide any background medical information prior to our Creche finding (and saving his life) in March of 2006. I'll never know how old he was when he took his first steps, nor what his very first word was. With Richnightder, I know his birthmom was there to witness these moments. I didn't get to see them, but his birthmom did and just knowing that someone who loved him shared this, makes me feel better. But for Jerome, his first three years of life are and will always be a mystery. Unknown answers left blank on a medical form, but to me it's the most outward sign that this child had a life before me.
Let me point something out to those who have not walked an adoption road in life. Although not one of my 4 kids physically resemble Marc or me, I forget in day-to-day living that these kids did not usher forth from my body. What they did do, was resonate in my heart long before I ever met them or held them in my arms. Recently someone I dearly love (NOT my husband) said to me that I wouldn't know how hard it is to have more kids since "I didn't have to push them out." I asked what the difference was to which my loved one replied, "You didn't have to get all fat and moody." This broke my heart and hurt me because in adoption, there is no distinction between birthing them or having them placed into your arms or jumping into your arms. How can someone mitigate the fact that our last adoption took 27 months and had so many ups and downs that I ate myself into a few new larger pants and my moods were wildly unpredictable.
With a pregnancy, you have a due date; the date you expect to reach the end of the moody, plump, swollen feet days. With adoption, there is no end date. It drags on and on and on and nothing is within your personal control. You can't eat better to give the baby a better first breath or do Lamaze to make delivery "easier." You simply hope and pray that the country doesn't have more food shortage riots, military coups, devestating hurricanes or birth parents changing their minds. All I am saying is that no one better tell me that adoption is the easy way to have a kid. The heartache is tremendous and the love you feel is already intertwined with your child who lives far, far away. Try walking around with your heart outside your body for 27 months and see if it is easy. These are my children, given to me by God and NOBODY ever try to diminish my love for them, by inferring they came to me by adoption.
Now I must take my rowdy bunch to the store and get some garbage snack foods for the trip to Minnepolis and replace the batteries in the headphones in the car. I am constantly living on the edge of chaotic fun!!! :)
There are scars, still. Even within the miracles.
4 months ago