This is a picture of Richnightder saying goodbye to his birth parents, Camesuze and Jean on our pick-up trip April 30th, 2009. While we all tried to smile, we all knew the anguish it was causing Camesuze and Jean. We had just gotten done having a translated conversation in which they told Richnightder it was ok to love us and to be happy. They also asked if we would allow Richnightder to see them again, to which we replied an absolute YES! These two people loved him enough to make a plan for him that would cause them grief and heartache while trying to afford him opportunities in life they could not provide. They also adored him......this was abundantly apparent. We love these two people for creating this wonderful, resilient child and now we may never, ever know if they survived this catastrophe.
The room this picture was taken in, was in the transition house/main offices for FEJ/CEJ in Port-au-Prince. This building is no longer habitable. All the files, computers, records, documents are most likely gone in a cloud of dust. Thankfully, all the babies, children and staff members escaped there without injuries.
Life as we knew it in haiti is now incomprehensibly changed. If it was difficult on the best of days it is now an unfathomably difficult struggle. How is it possible to have a society who previously had so little to now have absolutly nothing? How is it even possible to have less than nothing? The answer to that can be found in the face of every haitian right now. I have tremendous survivors guilt, just because my children are not there enduring what their birth families are. Perhaps, Richnightder's birth family is dead. How do I look at Righnigthder's face and explain that we may never know the fate of his beautiful birth mother and courageous birth father?
We long to go to Haiti and help, but we do not have the skills needed there now. Perhaps if Marc's employer sends a peace keeping force he will go to aid in that. Until then, we sit, and watch and wring our hands with worry, and fear and gratitude that we are not there. How selfish is that?!!
Jumbled thoughts at best today, for the many people we know and care about and love in Haiti and their unknown fates.